I would like to believe that I am a leader - tenacious, ambitious, misunderstood, understanding, respectful, courageous, and far from perfect. As bad as I strived to be in the vicinity of perfection it is simply not the case. I have made plenty of mistakes that I am not proud of but realizing and learning from those mistakes is what made me become the man I am today. The main mistake I made was being a follower during my early teenage years. I was honestly a lost young black man trying to find his identity in this world. Growing up being a witness to my mother struggling to maintain a comfortable safe environment for her two kids as well as herself really took a toll on me. Sacrificing bills just to ensure her two kids had decent clothes and shoes to wear to school left her on her knees some nights praying for better days. As a child that scene crushed me simply because I couldn't do anything to help. I didn't have a father figure or anybody to explain why my mother would seem so happy during the day only to cry herself to sleep at night which caused me to be angry. "I have to help my mother," were the thoughts that invaded my mind often throughout my childhood. 

 

The mixture of anger, a lack of guidance and the thought of my mother struggling led me to hang around individuals that could relate to the struggle I was challenged with. Although those individuals weren't particularly great members of society, they embraced me with open arms while doing their best to teach me what they believed was right. To a 15 year old kid that is close to heaven. A lot of the teachings weren't suitable to my character, but feeling the love I wasn't accustomed to feeling, due to having an absent father, gave me the courage to stick around. I always understood that each of us were potentially great leaders, but at the time it was basically the blind leading the blind.

 

Despite my wrongdoings as a child it was always second nature to help people. That's a part of me that has always existed. Just the feeling of doing the right thing while making someone happy made me feel important. Although I enjoyed doing these things, I never really felt comfortable exposing that side of me because I didn't think it was cool. It took me serving time on a 59 year sentence for a crime I didn't commit to actually understand exactly who I am and what my purpose in life is. I consider my journey to be a blessing and a curse because if I hadn't been accused I probably wouldn't have the courage and the strength that I have today. I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. I believe that the creator of all things allowed this to happen just to mold me into the man I am today. He knew and understood exactly what needed to happen in my life to open my eyes and bring the best out of me. I used to be afraid of being myself, but that fear no longer exists. I used to keep my will to help others a secret but not anymore. I used to be afraid of failure but now I understand that failure only exists if you quit. With that being said I'll never become a failure. I'm going to continue to fight until my battle is won. It's only a matter of time because I'm not alone. There's another in the fire fighting with me and his name is Jesus. I will overcome.